Happy Birthday to me!

Well, goodness. Sometimes it takes a birthday to realize how blessed you really are. Over the past couple of weeks, I've had THREE birthday celebrations...which seems kind of crazy to me. I don't deserve that. But I realize that the human relationships that God gives us, if they are lived out properly, are in some small way reflections of the relationship He has with us. We don't deserve God's love, and yet He gives it so abundantly...often times by showing His love through other people. And since I don't have a husband to love me as Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5), it sure is an extra special blessing to have such sweet friends that go out of their way to make me feel loved on and around my birthday.

A couple of pics from the celebrations follow.

I'm thinking of retiring...

Not from medicine, of course. But my brief stint as a singer/songwriter might be over. I wrote one little sort of girl angst song that actually didn't sound terrible. I was almost proud of it. It's not total crap (although undoubtedly partial crap).

Then, I played it for just a couple of people who wanted to hear it. Which I thought would not be a big deal. It's not like I was advertising it as anything more than low-quality melodic ramblings. But...I don't know. Now I feel all vulnerable and weird...like something that should have stayed in my private world is now in the public domain. It doesn't help that some folks sort of accidentally overheard it (hard to explain in a blog), which means that eight whole people have heard my little song.

I don't know how real musicians, poets, writers do it...put themselves out there in such a public way. I'm a talentless pretender, and I still feel weird about it.

changing lanes?

Career-wise, that is. I'm thinking about it. I've been the "peds girl" almost since the beginning of medical school...I've always had a heart for the kiddos. Then second year, I entertained the notion of "triple boarding" (in pediatrics, psychiatry and child psychiatry). I've had a heart for children with eating disorders for a long time, and working at diabetes camp during medical school showed me how prevalent mood disorders are in the type 1 diabetic population (as well as in other kiddos with chronic diseases). I thought training in peds and psych would really help me if I wanted to work with either of those populations.

As third year has progressed, I realize that my favorite parts of medicine are the communication aspects. The physical exam, ordering and interpreting studies...that's all fun and great...procedures aren't really thrilling to me...but I am always most invested in my patients psychosocial issues. Hmmm. So that got me to thinking about psychiatry...which I haven't actually taken yet. We'll see if I like it. I'm pretty sure I would specialize in child and adolecent if I do it, which obviously remains to be seen.

Already I've encountered some of the stigma against psychiatry in the medical field. Some of my classmates ask, "won't you miss the medicine?" Which I understand, but really...psychiatry is a medical specialty. A lot of people are understandably surprised that after so many months of being so excited about pediatrics I could possibly change my mind.

And then some Christians think that psychiatrists are doing the work of Satan. Eeek. But that's another story.

The third season of Veronica Mars sucks.

I've been super lazy this week and have basically dedicated my entire week to watching the first season of Veronica Mars on DVD. I was introduced to this stellar series by my sister, and, like the developmentally equivalent to a 14 year old that I am, I love it. It is a pretty smart show, actually.

Too bad it's going to get canceled. But, really, the third season sucks. It lacks the depth and creativity of the first two seasons. Veronica, who's always been a bit prickly, is turning into an unsympathetic b****. And Logan needs speech therapy.

I've pretty much decided that I'm going to pretend that the show ended after the first two seasons. But I need to stop watching, or I'll fail my Ob-Gyn shelf.

Best rotation ever...:)

Today was my last day of clinical responsibilities for internal medicine, and I am sad...I'm glad to be done, but I had a REALLY great time. My residents were super, and Leslie, the other third-year student, was a gem. I'm really going to miss my team!!! That's all I have to say.

Pic L to R: Joanne, (intern), Leslie, Alex (resident), Mandi (fourth year student), Dr. Saquib (attending)

Sweating the small stuff...

In the past couple of days, one of my team's favorite patients died, and my dear intern had something truly CRAPPY happen to her. And yet I'm sitting here seething over my lost stethoscope. How stupid is that? A silly little object. I misplaced a very replaceable item, and I feel like someone cut my arm off. I seriously need a little perspective here.

Why is it that I can handle the big things calmly and maturely, but the "small stuff" sends me into a tailspin?

Medicine is almost over!

Internal Medicine, that is. It's one of the clerkships we have to take as medical students. Three long months...it's our longest rotation during medical school. I have to admit, I was totally dreading it. For one thing, it's a lot of old people, and I don't really know how to talk to old people. That's part of why I'm going to do kid medicine. Also, this rotation has the reputation of mean attendings (that's the boss doctor in non med speak) who "pimp" (ask difficult questions) third year medical students to within an inch of our lives. I was afraid that my formerly nice medical students would turn into these terrible "gunners" (translation: really intense medical student who tries to one-up the other students on his or her team). I was worried that I would be bored and nervous and sleep-deprived all at the same time. Why couldn't I take three months of pediatrics instead?

Of course, none of my fears were realized. For the past three months I've had attendings and residents who were both brilliant and supportive. I've adored the other third year students I've worked with. And the patients have totally rocked. And I've even slept on call. I must admit, this rotation has taught me more than any of the others. Yes, after all that fretting, internal medicine has been my FAVORITE rotation. Crazy, huh? But I'm still totally doing peds...or child psych...or both.

Obstetrics and gynecology is up next. Yuck. Now I can start worrying about that. Pelvic exams? All of the body fluids that go along with birthing babies (no one tells you this, but a lot of women defecate when they have babies)? Not super exciting. Plus, the ob-gyn residents do not have a very good reputation at our school. They're brilliant, of course, but intense.

Geez...you'd think I'd have learned by now that worrying accomplishes nothing. And yet I can't even get through a post about they folly of worrying without, well, worrying.